Unless you’re one of those guys who’s trying to bang as many women as possible before you die, then you probably look at dating as a means to an end. You’re looking for a girlfriend, preferably a long-term one, and maybe even Ms. Right. So you go through a crap load of coffee dates until you finally meet someone you’d like to see again. If you’re lucky, you continue wanting to see her again, and, after a while, you’ve got yourself a girlfriend. Congratulations. Mission accomplished. Only now, you’re not so sure. In spite of what movies and TV have taught us, true love isn’t always a fairy tale. You’re allowed to have doubts, you’re allowed to have huge fights, and things are allowed to be hard. Sometimes, you just gotta ride out the rapids before you get to the smooth sailing. But then again, sometimes those rapids will send you crashing into the rocks, destroying your boat, and crushing your body into an unrecognizable mass of goo. Here are 20 signs it’s time to bail out.
1. Fights increase or decrease in frequency.
Fighting is healthy in a relationship because it’s part of communication. It’s about identifying problems and working through them. But if you’re bickering about every goddamn thing, or worse, not fighting at all because neither of you gives a shit anymore about how the other feels, it’s probably time to call it quits.
2. She compares you to past boyfriends.
This is basically her begging you to break up with her. Nobody likes being compared to an ex, even if you come out the winner. And if you’re hearing crap along the lines of “My last boyfriend took me to nicer places,” or “So-and-so never had a problem with such-and-such,” then go ahead and send her back to him.
3. You’re thinking about old girlfriends.
Hell, maybe you’re comparing her to them, too. Basically, unless you’re thinking about them in a way that makes you feel happy to be with them, this isn't a great sign.
4. You're having little to no sex.
Once you get past the fucking like bunnies stage of a relationship, you probably settle into a routine of at least two or three a week. It’s how you maintain intimacy. So if that ain’t happening anymore, you’re neither physically nor emotionally invested in each other anymore. So what’s the point?
5. You catch her in a lie.
Lying is relationship poison, and if you’ve caught her in one, it’s probably not the first time she’s done it.
6. She’s snooping in your phone.
Yeah, she doesn’t trust you. This is 101, dude.
7. Molehills become mountains.
And this doesn’t mean she got a boob job. This is where every little thing you do gets blown so far out of proportion that neither one of you can even see reason anymore. There’s a difference between little and big fuck-ups, and her reaction should be proportionate.
8. She does the opposite of what you want.
This isn’t about some “uppity-ass woman doesn’t know her place” horseshit. This is about her deliberately being a contrarian toward your wishes for no discernable reason. Some people are so insecure that they think any agreement or compromise is a display of weakness, which is bull shit you don’t want to live with.
9. She tells you you’re lucky to be with her.
“Am I really? Well thanks for lowering your standards and deigning to spend time with a loser like me. Oh, and by the way, I guess my luck just ran out, because we’re through.”
10. Being with her is a pain in the ass.
Looking for reasons not to spend time with your girlfriend? Does that sound like you’ve got a healthy relationship going there?
11. It’s better than nothing.
Staying in a relationship just because you’re dreading getting back into the dating world is not exactly a great recipe for success. It’s lazy and you know it. Rip off the Band-Aid and get back out there.
12. You’re not a priority.
No one should expect to be anyone else’s number one priority at all times, but if you feel like you’re not even on the list, then she’s either taking you for granted or really doesn’t give a shit about you at all.
13. At least one of you doesn’t want to talk about the future.
When you’re with the right person, the future is exciting. You make plans that include each other. If one of you doesn’t ever even want to discuss the future, then the other one probably isn’t in it.
14. There’s no effort.
If she can’t even be bothered to pick you up at the airport or tells you to choose your own birthday present on Amazon, does that sound like someone who can be depended on for important shit?
15. She crosses established boundaries.
Early in your relationship, you both set your boundaries. “Never talk about my mother,” “Don’t say ‘fuck you’ to me in anger,” etc. So now, when she crosses that line, you can bet it’s intentional and she’s trying to piss you off.
16. She takes digs at you in public.
She tells her friends that you don’t know anything about wine, you forgot to put the toilet seat down, you actually liked Batman v Superman, whatever. She’s trying to embarrass you or at least make you look like an ass. That’s not cool.
17. Someone’s got a secret.
Not a harmless secret. A big one. And if you’re keeping something from her or you’re pretty sure she’s keeping something from you, this is bad news.
18. She expects to get more than she gives.
Regardless of gender roles, if one partner kicks in more financially, the other should make it up by taking care of the bills. If one does most of the driving, the other can pump the gas. Relationships are give and take. But some people are just selfish. That’s her problem, not yours. Don’t be an enabler.
19. Her friends suck.
People who suck band together. This may or may not be a reflection on you.
20. She bangs other dudes.
Unless you’re into that sort of thing. Takes all kinds.