People might say that if you have cold feet before your wedding, it’s because the match isn’t right, but that isn’t always true. Many people — both men and women — have cold feet until the moment their weddings start, but still know their future spouse was the right person for them. Having cold feet doesn’t mean you’re regretting your relationship or falling out of love — it just means you’re nervous about your wedding, and that’s normal! Check out these tips and see if you can melt your cold feet and enjoy your big day.
1. Imagine being without your partner.
When you try to picture your life without your partner, can you do it? Do you like how your life looks without them? Know that getting married is just taking your commitment to another level, ensuring that you’ll stay together, and let that thought make you feel safe in your love.
2. Try to keep your stress levels low.
Whether you’re planning a big blowout wedding or just eloping, there’s still a lot to stress about, plan-wise. Any time you’re making plans, there are things that can fall through. It’s stressful for anyone! But feeling stressed, especially if you feel like your partner isn’t helping out enough, will push your relationship into a bad place. Don’t let planning your special day ruin things — focus on why you’re getting married, not the day itself.
3. Don’t expect it to be perfect.
This goes for both your big day and your marriage! There will be a few things during your big day that won’t go as planned — accept that from the beginning and stress a lot less! The same goes for your marriage. Things can be rough: you’re learning to live with someone new and different from you; you have this pressure to make it perfect because he’s the one; you’re going through life together, and that involves a lot of ups and downs regardless of who’s by your side. If you’re a little more laid back about it all, then you won’t pressure yourself to reach unreasonable expectations.
4. Write down your fears.
Take some quiet time for yourself to think things through. Write down what is making you nervous about your wedding or marriage. If they’re major issues, then talk to your partner, and possibly get help. But more than likely it’s just small things, like worrying about tripping while walking down the aisle, or if the guests will like the food at the reception. Once you get everything written down, read it over. The simple act of writing down your fears and re-reading them might calm you down. If it doesn’t calm you enough, consider talking about them with your partner or a close friend.
5. Take a break from it all.
Not from your partner, of course, but from the wedding planning and marriage-centric life! Have one night a week where you can’t talk about anything relating to the wedding. Cook dinner together or go out — whatever makes you feel like you’re dating again! If you can swing it, go on a weekend getaway and just focus on each other. You might be surprised at how quickly your cold feet melt!
6. Focus on the source.
On the other end of the spectrum from taking a break is facing your fears head-on! If you’re active in the church, talk with your priest or find out if the church offers premarital counseling. See if a local therapist can help you — by yourself or as a couple — to talk out your issues. Hang out with your married friends, or your parents if they’re still together, and find out what tips or advice they give you and your partner as newlyweds.
7. Know whether it’s just cold feet, or if it’s a serious issue.
These tips are for when you know you want to marry your partner, but you’re just having minor doubts. If you believe at all that this marriage is not right for you, don’t go through with it! It’s much better, and much easier, to cancel all of your wedding plans, even a week before the big day, rather than feel trapped in a marriage that isn’t good for you.