Ah, texting. Simultaneously the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to flirting. It allows you the opportunity to take time and choose words carefully, but robs you of the ability to instantly gauge a reaction. Backpedaling from a poorly conceived text is an uphill battle, so you have to be very careful, especially if you’re texting a woman you just met. Remember, this person doesn’t know you very well. She doesn’t get all the subtleties of your charm and sense of humor, and you don’t want to be misinterpreted. You also don’t want to get stuck in your head and say something really dumb. A text is forever. So let’s look at a few major no-no’s of texting someone you just met, if you’re looking for her to text you back.

1. “I love you.”

Even if you mean it as a joke. It’s creepy.

2. Anything about your penis.

How many times does this need to be said?

3. A shirtless selfie.

Really any selfie, especially if it’s unsolicited. If she asks for one, fine, keep it simple and clean.

4. “Have a great day.”

Or anything that doesn’t require a reply. It’s meaningless.

5. “What’s up?”

This kinda shit is just lazy.

6. “You’re beautiful.”

That’s some weak shit, my friend. Once you have something going, you can do this kind of stuff, but in the beginning, it doesn’t come off as sincere. Compliment her in person.

7. A second text when she hasn’t responded to the first one.

Yes, dude. She got it.

8. “Whatever.”

Don’t be a pussy. If she asks what you want to do or where you want to eat, make that decision.

9. “I’m soooooo drunk!”

Congratulations. No one cares.

10. “C u l8r”

Or any variation of that. Women can misspell or abbreviate whatever they want, but this kind of shit comes off as either effeminate or juvenile when a guy does it.

11. “Are we still on for tonight?”

Idiot. Don’t give her a chance to back out of a date.

12. An overabundance of emojis or emoticons, or whatever the fuck you call them.

Again. This shit is for girls.

13. “When are you free this week?”

No. You come up with a plan, a day and a time. If she can’t make it, adjust, but don’t be too available.

14. “My ex…”

Talking about other women with a woman you’re trying to date is just fucking stupid.

15. “You’re a bitch.”

The best thing to do when you’re angry is nothing at all.