Most major arguments among couples have to do with things like money, debt, commitment and chores. But what about the little arguments — the small, ridiculous things that make up part of the everyday fabric of a relationship? From choosing the right scent of dryer sheets to agreeing on which Jedi knight is the coolest, couples face a plethora of potential disagreements that are quite often totally pointless — and totally entertaining. Admit it; you can’t live without the ridiculous arguments.
Food: Where do you get it? The answer is “anywhere,” but when two people have to make a decision about where they’re going to get food, what kind of food they’re going to get, whether they should get one meal each or share three things (or, God forbid, attempt to share one thing), whether or not their final food choice is nutritionally acceptable and whether they should just give up and make something, thus beginning a whole new earnest discussion about what they should make, what ingredients they have in the house and whether they should suck it up and just go to the grocery store, food becomes an incredibly complex topic that can take hours, if not days, to be agreed upon.
The actual television is just the beginning. With things like Netflix and Amazon Prime, the debate over which shows to watch can burst into the full flower of ridiculousness, since you now have approximately 12 million options to debate, as well as the correct amount of time to let something buffer, the best site to watch it on and what series you should add to your queue.
Do you buy pristine new furniture with a bigger price tag, or do you save money by accepting all the secondhand crap your parents are constantly foisting on you? Do you attempt a perfectly polished, perfectly chic decorative style that totally matches your personality and makes your place look like a magazine cover, or do you dump all your stuff in a corner and use the same plastic clothes bins you used in college? When it comes to decorating and furnishing an apartment or house, chances are that you will not always agree with your significant other, and you’ll probably have ridiculous arguments in the aisles of Target or Bed, Bath & Beyond about why your apartment (and, by extension, your entire existence) will not be complete until you buy the exact right color and pattern of kitchen towels, and also that really awesome platter for serving cheese.
4. Toilet paper.
Who uses the most toilet paper? Who constantly seems to leave only two squares remaining, forcing the other person to change the roll even though they shouldn’t have to? And for that matter, how do you even decide on placement of the roll itself? Do you pull from the top or from the bottom? These are serious issues that can’t be resolved in a matter of mere minutes; sometimes, the toilet paper debate can rage for years.
5. Placement of household items.
It doesn’t just stop at toilet paper. The position of every small item, from boxes of tissues (do they go on the back of the toilet? On the bathroom counter? Next to the TV? On the coffee table?) to loaves of bread (on top of the refrigerator? On the kitchen counter? In the cabinet?), can be agonized over in debates that would shame Roman philosophers in their depth and intensity. If an item placed on top of the refrigerator falls off and lands on the head or foot of the person who didn’t put it there, this ongoing argument is guaranteed to last at least another six months.
Going on a road trip, or possibly even just driving to the gym together? Good luck deciding on what music to listen to. Death threats have been made over seemingly innocuous subjects like country music and Taylor Swift.
7. Who’s going to drive.
If both halves of a couple enjoy driving (or one person feels like the other doesn’t trust their driving skills), arguments are guaranteed to erupt. Deciding who gets to drive is an important factor in the power dynamic of a relationship — or at least it seems that way to people who are enmeshed in a driving argument — so what often begins as a discussion of who should drive will often devolve into a deliberation on feminism, chivalry, debates on who is more of a control freak and lists of past traffic violations of any and all varieties.
Some of the most vicious battles between a couple usually occur over the ambient temperature of a room. In the winter, some people are always freezing while others are boiling, which leads to the whole “Just put on a sweater/Just take off your sweater” argument. In the summer, some people are boiling while others are quite comfortable, which leads to a yearly battle for supremacy over the air conditioner.
9. Future baby and/or pet names.
At some point in many relationships, the issue of names is going to come up, and it’s almost a guarantee that one person’s ideal pet name will be the other person’s ideal baby name, which is now ruined because you can’t give your future kid a name that your significant other thinks is a good name for a cat. 10. The Pros and Cons of Nearly Identical Fruits and Vegetables If you think you can’t argue for a minimum of half an hour about whether broccoli or cauliflower is better (and which one is more gross), you are wrong.
11. Stealing the covers at night.
When two people enter a relationship, each one is going to accuse the other of stealing blankets and quilts in their sleep, whether unconsciously or on purpose. This type of argument is especially ridiculous considering the action in question takes place at night, when the supposed blanket-stealer is not awake and has no control over their actions.
12. Waking up in the morning.
Not every couple has a harmonious sleeping schedule; this means that one person will be labeled the early bird and be accused of making too much noise in the morning, while the other will constantly be asked why they sleep so much. If you know a couple for whom this is an issue, you’ve probably heard arguments like, “It’s in my genes!” and “I was born this way!”
13. How and when to clean the bathroom.
Even when you’ve finally figured out how to fairly distribute household chores, each member of the household is still going to have different ideas about how often these chores need to be done. This can lead to increasingly irrelevant arguments about things like how often to wash the shower curtain and whether that black stuff around the drain is mold, mildew or just a figment of your imagination.
14. Having friends over.
You just want to spend Sunday sleeping late, wearing pajama pants and watching movies like a slob, but your significant other wants to have some friends over, which means you’ll be expected to put on normal clothing and actually interact with people. Or maybe it’s a Wednesday night and all your better half wanted to do was come home from work, shove food in their face and watch TV, but this is the only night you have to catch up with an old friend, who you’ve already invited over. It’s never a big deal in the long run, but when our slobbish routines get interrupted without warning, people can get testy.
15. Getting a pet.
One person wants a dog, while the other wants a cat. Or perhaps one of you is a fan of turtles, while the other is firmly in the guinea pig camp. Then there’s the whole issue of exotic pets, such as teacup pigs. The choice of pet is a tough one, and while some people choose to compromise and get both, others can’t realistically get two pets, so the battle for the chosen pet must be played out until its bitter end.
16. Taking care of a pet.
Even though you carefully drew up a schedule detailing who was going to take the hedgehog for his daily walk and who was responsible for cleaning up if the guinea pigs pooped in the bathtub, no one ever seems happy with their assigned poop-cleaning day.
17. Beloved childhood novels.
We’ve all had it happen: The fateful day when one half of a couple says something insulting about Harry Potter or Narnia and the other one turns on them like an angry dragon, prompting a week-long argument about what forms of children’s literature are and are not stupid.
18. Beloved childhood movies.
Discussions about things like the best color light saber or Indiana Jones’s best sidekick are never just discussions; they are matters of life and death.
19. Whether or not things exist.
Not mythical things like fairies and unicorns; actual things like okapis, fish with teeth, movies you remember from your childhood or square watermelons.
20. Which kind of junk food is the best.
Looking for a little relationship excitement? Try introducing the topic of anything on the Taco Bell menu versus any Hostess or Little Debbie product and watch the sparks fly.
21. The ‘right’ way to do something.
Nothing will start an argument faster than one half of a couple offering to show the other half how to do something the “right” way, especially if it’s something pointless like the right way to vacuum a floor or the right way to fold a shirt.