For fun:
You really think  I say this just for fun? 
Naw, Im finally done.
No matter what I'm always treated like I'm dumb. 
so why would I care what any of you think?
everyone I care for always leaves me in a blink..
My family dont believe in me
To the point i didnt believin in me.
Besides this devil in my head who wouldnt leave me.
Its been us 2 and all the hell we been through. 
And it hurts me, trust me,
 How no 1 can see. I just wanna be free.
To bad hell doesnt come with a degree.
Life can suck this we can all agree.
Its why we gotta go drink and smoke that green.
Cause this world we live in is so unclean.
As our feelings we feel, feel so mean.
But look at me talking like 
anyone of you know what I mean.
--
I want to do better but im just a fiend.
Cuz got this devil inside of me.
As everyone i love is now my enemy.
I hate how people say "dont cut"  they swear that they care. 
Fuck. Don't even go there. 
I live a life so unfair im surprised I have any hair. 
And the sad Part is I only did drugs so i didnt have to care.
Care that Im worse then I actually feared.
Care that my family died as the rest just dissappered.
Care that I have kids And i cant be there.
as I drown myself in memories when they were here.
Cuz apparently they're better off without me there.
Fighting with narsastic exs that refuse to share.
im so alone in world I hate, and I'm so scared.
---
"Man up and grow a pair"
I am trying i swear but all this hell I was unprepared. 
I wish i could find the motivation to keep living.
I even started praying to a god I Didn't believe in.
Cuz this devil in my head I swear is so damn deceiving.

And No matter what my heart I feel is always Greiving.
cuz no matter who i love they end up leaving.
Im so fucked up deep inside i can't repair.
How can I care when lies are all that we shared?
Im in a nightmare as no one hears me scream.
Hoping one day ill wake from this wretched dream.
holding onto hope ill find my great escape.
But i fear that it's far to late...
No one can relate
To my mistakes that cant be fixed.
All I get told is im chuck full of hate.
As the more ya read I only esculate.
What im sopost to pretend that my life is great?
Im a prisoner wanting to be free.
Im hurting so bad and no one can see.
Its hard to believe all the hell ive faced.
So much im starting to sound like a headcase.
Cause this pain hurts that I can't erase..
Ifs this is a race I've lived my whole life in last place. 
Running from demons i dont wanna face.
"Oh You'll get over it, it's just a phase" 
 Oh good to know eating a bullet is just a phase.
As i fight these tears running down my face.
Wishing I could just vanish without a trace
But no matter what my demons are quick to chase.
And i fear they finally won. Cause im just done.
All i feel is dead as I jot this laying in bed.
Wondering why I'm this fucked up in the head.
So tired of wanting my wrist bleed red.
leaving people questionin what they read.
Im accepting that this is somehow my fate.
To have a devil as a soulmate.
Cause once you cross through hells gate.
Your soul is his and there is  no escape..