I dont even know what to jot...
Addiciton has taken everything i got.
Cant see my kids cause i smoke pot.
Ive lost my mom and brother to a pill and alcohol o/d.. (Thanks alot).
2 years after my father passes from cancer..  
I ran to drugs like they were the answer.
Popping pills to numb away how i really feel.
Heart turned to steel 
Woundering if this nightmare is real.
Fighting with demons that are out to kill.
With images in my head that are ill.
But here i am still. 
Fighting with depression and addiction hoping one day ill be all right.
Using sex to cope with the fact that I miss my ex
Pretending that I'm doing great
But im not. 
I sleep alone in the place my family called home with a devil in my dome.
Oh god im so alone.
Christ im praying for your sake 
ive had all that i can take.
I dont know how much more till i finally break.
Sad thing is I remember saying the same thing when I was 16. Now I'm 31 lost everyone. 
This curse can't be undone
I just want to call it done.
My whole life seems like a rerun.
But i been given a challenge by the holy one.
Im the only one they can make it great.
Its like this pen is my soul.
And this notepad is like my mate 
and Im hoping all this hell will lead me to something great.
Cause im trying my best not to hate.
Pushing myself to the gym lifting weights.
Dropped over 100 pounds of weight.
please Tell me Its not late.
No matter im still pushing though.
Even when i thought i was done and threw. 
Im trying my best to stay true. 
But i honestly dont know what to do.
Just know you're not alone in this fight too.
You know the shit i jot is true.
So one addict to another i hope you can make it through 
and we can get our shit together before we lose it all for forever.