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Unlovable

Unlovable

  
Andrew Young
Jan. 10, 2020
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I have this habit and I wanna shake it.
I find love just to kill it when I just want it.
I get in my head as im alone in my bed.
I wanna change, so god help me break it.
I push who ever gets close away.
Cause i think i don't deserve it.
Im the guy that was always picked last so I put on a mask and act that i cant be phased, 
As tears run down my face feeling trapped in this same place.
These feelings i just want to erase.
Love is the only thing i wanna chase.
But I'm running the wrong direction.
Cause I'm afraid of rejection.
I dont deserve your love, as I'm talking to god up above.
Cause i want this nightmare to be done.
Inside i scream chasing a lost dream.
God Your more real than you seem.
I hear you can you fix me?
Can you help me be the man i need to be?
Can you set me free?
Cause im a lost soul, 
home alone freezing cold as im losing control. 
As this depression takes control.
Satan wants to see me fall,
So I pray hoping god will answer my call.
Cause ive lost it all.
Ive lived a life that's not right,
Its why I'm ready to finally fight cause I dont wanna be alone another night.
I wanna feel alive, 
I wanna find a love that will keep me high, 
It's why I'm ready to finally fly but my wings are to damaged to stay in the sky,
People say they love me but i think its another lie.
Will i ever find anyone who will stand by my side beside this devil inside?
Who will always destroy what I seek.
For years all i felt was defeat 
but im ready to make that leap, 
Find a love that i wanna keep,
Besides always falling down to my feet.
Cause i know ill just drive her crazy as I pretend she cant phase me.
Cause I think i Don't deserve it.
When all i want is love to hold me.
But i don't deserve it
I just want god to love me but this demons tell me i don't deserve it.
Its why I'm afraid ill never be alright.
They cling on to me so tight.
Always breaking me down every night.
I cry cause when i find his love I'm afraid its another lie.
I hate how i feel Cause i know love is real.
But these demons don't wanna see me heal.
See this is my issue, 
I just want gods love but im afraid im going to lose it cause of everything i been through.
Sadly i believe this is all true.
Where do i run when im lost inside?
Where do I go when i have no where to hide.
These demons tell me im better off on the other side. 
I can tell cause it's how I feel inside.
So i turn to God to confide cause I don't want this devil to be my ride or die.
Crying to god as I look up into the sky
I'm feeling weak, cause i listen when these demons when they speak.
I always found it strange how these words just come to me
But Is it all in my dome? 
Is it cause I have such negativity in my home?
I just want this devil to leave me alone.
But he tells me i cant do this on my own.
That my soul is his to own and he'll never leave me be.
Tormenting me with thoughts no one can see.
To the point I'm afraid not even god can love me.I have this habit and I wanna shake it.
I find love just to kill it when I just want it.
I get in my head as im alone in my bed.
I wanna change, so god help me break it.
I push who ever gets close away.
Cause i think i don't deserve it.
Im the guy that was always picked last so I put on a mask and act that i cant be phased, 
As tears run down my face feeling trapped in this same place.
These feelings i just want to erase.
Love is the only thing i wanna chase.
But I'm running the wrong direction.
Cause I'm afraid of rejection.
I dont deserve your love, as I'm talking to god up above.
Cause i want this nightmare to be done.
Inside i scream chasing a lost dream.
God Your more real than you seem.
I hear you can you fix me?
Can you help me be the man i need to be?
Can you set me free?
Cause im a lost soul, 
home alone freezing cold as im losing control. 
As this depression takes control.
Satan wants to see me fall,
So I pray hoping god will answer my call.
Cause ive lost it all.
Ive lived a life that's not right,
Its why I'm ready to finally fight cause I dont wanna be alone another night.
I wanna feel alive, 
I wanna find a love that will keep me high, 
It's why I'm ready to finally fly but my wings are to damaged to stay in the sky,
People say they love me but i think its another lie.
Will i ever find anyone who will stand by my side beside this devil inside?
Who will always destroy what I seek.
For years all i felt was defeat 
but im ready to make that leap, 
Find a love that i wanna keep,
Besides always falling down to my feet.
Cause i know ill just drive her crazy as I pretend she cant phase me.
Cause I think i Don't deserve it.
When all i want is love to hold me.
But i don't deserve it
I just want god to love me but this demons tell me i don't deserve it.
Its why I'm afraid ill never be alright.
They cling on to me so tight.
Always breaking me down every night.
I cry cause when i find his love I'm afraid its another lie.
I hate how i feel Cause i know love is real.
But these demons don't wanna see me heal.
See this is my issue, 
I just want gods love but im afraid im going to lose it cause of everything i been through.
Sadly i believe this is all true.
Where do i run when im lost inside?
Where do I go when i have no where to hide.
These demons tell me im better off on the other side. 
I can tell cause it's how I feel inside.
So i turn to God to confide cause I don't want this devil to be my ride or die.
Crying to god as I look up into the sky
I'm feeling weak, cause i listen to these demons when they speak.
I always found it strange how these words just come to me
But Is it all in my dome? 
Is it cause I have such negativity in my home?
I just want this devil to leave me alone.
But he tells me i cant do this on my own.
That my soul is his to own and he'll never leave me be.
Tormenting me with thoughts no one can see.
To the point I'm afraid not even god can love me.

  
Andrew Young
Jan. 10, 2020

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