1. I’m not paid enough.
We live in a sad society, one where the people who raise the next generation of intellectuals and change-makers are paid the least. No wonder so many of my coworkers are so useless. And really, it would be impossible to pay me enough.
2. No, I will not give you a recommendation.
And no, it would not benefit you to list me as a reference. Don't you have a teacher who hasn't put you in detention to ask for a recommendation? Well, probably not. How's this kid ever going to succeed?
3. My students and I would both be happier if I didn’t show up.
Like, I could be in bed right now. Or taking a bath. Or reading a book. Or doing just about anything else. And they could be free, too. So why are we doing this?
4. This email is going in the don’t reply and hope they forget about it pile.
Please forget about it and leave me alone.
5. This is the most underpaid and underappreciated job on the planet.
6. We really should protest.
For better pay, better benefits…
7. But we’re all too tired and jaded to protest.
There are papers to grade.
8. So more money goes to the administration.
Because they've really earned it, sitting around doing nothing.
9. And plenty of them are just failed teachers.
People who sucked at teaching so bad they decided being principals, in charge of all the teachers, because that would make more sense. So we’re getting bossed around by people who couldn’t do our jobs as well as we could. Bureaucracy at its finest.
10. I could have done something really great with my life.
A teacher told me that. You know, said she believed in me. Said I had talent. Said I was a hard worker. The world is your oyster... And I honored her by becoming a teacher. What was I thinking?
11. What happened to these kids’ parents?
Do they even parent?
12. Am I the only person in their lives that expects them to behave responsibly?
13. Am I the only person in their lives who demands respect?
14. Why are you being disrespectful to me when I’m the one who grades your papers?
You’d think they’d be smart enough to get that part.
15. But who knows how many of them really care about their grades.
And can I blame them, really?
16. A lot of grading is arbitrary.
I bet I’d grade a lot nicer if I were, for instance, sipping on hot cocoa rather than sitting bundled up in a freezing cold office.
17. You’d think based on the temperature in here they wanted us to be miserable.
I’m either sweating like crazy or so cold my hands are dried out and shaking.
18. I can’t wait for the holidays.
19. This summer, I’m going to really make some money. Get a good side gig.
Maybe I’ll find a side gig that becomes a full-time gig, and I can stop attending Hell Academy.
20. Maybe I’ll just become a principal.
Reform the education system. God it needs it. But there'd just be more red tape up there. It seems the worst people get the most bonuses.
21. I am definitely not paid enough.
22. Is it possible to pay people who work with kids enough?
23. Are there people who actually like this?
24. Cindy does.
But Cindy is crazy. Cindy is still a kid. I really need to find a way to sit less close to Cindy during lunch.
25. Next year I’m going to schedule everything perfectly. I almost have a hang of this completely.
26. Stellar lesson plans, really.
27. I mean, most of them are pretty good.
28. It’s hard to make teaching how not to write in run-on sentences and fragments fun.
29. Maybe some Youtube videos are in order.
30. And next year, I am going to have a zero-tolerance policy on cell phones.
In bold and italics on the syllabus: I see your cell phone, you get out. Could I get in trouble for that? I hate texting. I hate my students texting while I’m teaching. I hate that they somehow think or convince themselves that I can’t see what they’re doing. I see you texting. Stop texting.
31. It’s gonna be a long day.
32. But summer! And winter break! Remember! The light at the end of the tunnel!
33. And exam week might as well be the end of the year, so I'm way closer to the end than I think!
34. There’s no way I could do an ordinary 9 to 5 job. Who am I kidding?
35. Summers off always win.
36. And there are always some good ones along the way.
Kids who say your class was the best class they ever took, that they feel like they’ve found their passion, that they know what they want to do with their lives now. Kids who say you really see them and understand them, when other teachers don’t.