There are a lot of fish in the sea, and most of them deserve to be thrown back. Finding that special someone to spend the rest of your life with is no easy task, but most of us make it harder than it really is.

Here’s the problem. The fact that a man is giving women advice about landing a husband is going to be labeled as sexist. Women tend to seek this sort of advice from other women, which doesn’t make a lot of sense. The truth is that many, if not most, guys out there are looking for the same thing you are. But as fast and furious as first dates fly past, it’s too easy to throw the wheat out with the chaff.

Bottom line, if you’re looking to attract someone with husband potential, you’ve got to drop the bullshit. Courtship is a dance, not a competition. Stop playing games, stop following stupid “rules,” and open your minds a little. Here’s a handy-dandy list of do’s and don’ts if you’re honestly ready to get out of the dating life and head towards something meaningful.

1. Don’t look for him on Tinder. He’s not there.
2. Don’t make lists about qualities your future husband must or must not have.
3. Don’t alter your personality to fit what you think he wants.
4. Don’t just rely on your girlfriends for advice. Talk to some straight male friends about it.
5. Don’t be afraid to make the first move.
6. Don’t have sex too quickly. We like that, but it also confuses us.
7. Don’t play down your own success or self-worth. The right guy for you won’t be intimidated by it. But at the same time…
8. Don’t brag on yourself. Let him be the one to tell you how great you are. He doesn’t need you to remind him.
9. His bank account has nothing to do with how good a guy he is.
10. Be open and honest with him about what you want.
11. Understand that you can’t change him—if he’s going to change, he’s going to need to do that himself.
12. If he’s not the one, do both of you a favor and cut him loose.
13. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but only when there’s actually a doubt.
14. Just because you don’t share some of his interests, it doesn’t mean they’re not interesting.
15. Don’t treat a first date like a job interview. It’s not about passing a test, it’s about establishing a connection.
16. Don’t try to make him chase you. If he’s worth having, he won’t.
17. If you like him, let him know—laugh at his jokes, touch his arm. We know the signals and we like receiving them.
18. You find confidence sexy. So do we.
19. You think arrogance is a turn off. So do we.
20. Ask more questions about his family than his job.
21. Don’t lie about anything, especially at the beginning. If he wants to know something you’re not comfortable sharing, be honest.
22. If he’s a dick on your first date, he’s always going to be a dick. That being said…
23. Allow for a margin of error. He might be nervous. You’re pretty great, right?
24. Be easy-going. If he senses you’re high-maintenance, the only reason he’s sticking around is to try and bang you.
25. Don’t be aloof. Even if you’re going into a date with low expectations, be positive. You never know.
26. Try not to juggle too many guys at once. Keeping your options open is fine, but you also might be impeding a more meaningful connection.
27. It’s okay to be the first one to text him after a date. As long as you don’t say anything crazy, he’ll probably like it.
28. Make sure your profile is honest and sincere, both in pictures and bio.
29. Don’t bring up marriage, but feel free to let him know you’re after something long-term.
30. Look pretty. Yeah, that’s right. Sorry, but men are visual creatures. But before you get all offended, know that it’s less about coming off as his potential sex toy than it is letting him know you’re making an effort for his sake.
31. Let him pay, but reach for your wallet. It’s such a simple gesture, but a huge turnoff when women don’t do it.
32. Find out how he feels about his mother. Seriously. If he feels too strongly in either direction, he’s going to be a handful.
33. Treat him as your equal. Don’t expect to be put on a pedestal and don’t defer to his ego. A marriage is a partnership.
34. Make him feel like a priority. Even if you lead a busy life, you can find a way to do this.
35. Don’t take his bullshit. Even good guys can throw some bullshit around every once in a while. Let him know you won’t take it and see how he reacts.
36. Remember romance goes both ways. Don’t count on him to supply it all the time.
37. Always look for common ground. It’s not always there, but if you look for it, you can usually find it.
38. Stay positive. Mr. Right has probably had as many bad dates as you have.
39. Don’t be afraid to tell him you want to see him again. Sometimes it’s hard to tell.
40. Drop your expectations. Go into every date expecting to meet someone new, nothing more, nothing less. You’ll feel a lot less pressure.