VOICED®

Every Voice Matters®

Get VOICED
Log in
VOICED
EVERY VOICE MATTERS
  • Home
  • Topics
    • VOICED Policy
    • VOICED Mind & Body
    • VOICED Men
    • VOICED Women
    • VOICED Humor
    • VOICED Him & Her
    • VOICED News
    • VOICED College
    • VOICED Travel
    • VOICED Society
    • VOICED Money
    • VOICED Animals
    • VOICED Artificial intelligence
    • VOICED Arts
    • VOICED Auto
    • VOICED Blockchain
    • VOICED Books
    • VOICED Business
    • VOICED Cryptocurrency
    • VOICED Eats
    • VOICED Entertainment
    • VOICED Environment
    • VOICED Gaming
    • VOICED Marketing
    • VOICED Motivation
    • VOICED Philosophy
    • VOICED Psychology
    • VOICED Real estate
    • VOICED Religion
    • VOICED Science
    • VOICED Spirituality
    • VOICED Sports
    • VOICED Style
    • VOICED Technology
    • VOICED Work
    • VOICED World
  • Topics
    • VOICED Policy
    • VOICED Mind & Body
    • VOICED Men
    • VOICED Women
    • VOICED Humor
    • VOICED Him & Her
    • VOICED News
    • VOICED College
    • VOICED Travel
    • VOICED Society
    • VOICED Money
    • VOICED Animals
    • VOICED Artificial intelligence
    • VOICED Arts
    • VOICED Auto
    • VOICED Blockchain
    • VOICED Books
    • VOICED Business
    • VOICED Cryptocurrency
    • VOICED Eats
    • VOICED Entertainment
    • VOICED Environment
    • VOICED Gaming
    • VOICED Marketing
    • VOICED Motivation
    • VOICED Philosophy
    • VOICED Psychology
    • VOICED Real estate
    • VOICED Religion
    • VOICED Science
    • VOICED Spirituality
    • VOICED Sports
    • VOICED Style
    • VOICED Technology
    • VOICED Work
    • VOICED World
  •  
Get VOICED

Liked By

Check your inbox.

Click the link we sent to [email protected] to complete your account set-up.

VOICED®

Create an account to join the conversion.

You'll be able to publish your own stories, follow your favorite people, create a better news feed experience and comment on content you love.

Continue with Google Continue with Facebook Sign up with Email
Already have an account? Log In
Terms of Service

Sign up with email

Enter your email address to create an account

All sign up options

Log in

You know what to do.
Forgot password?
OR
Log in with Google Log in with Facebook
No account? Sign up.
Terms of Service
  • Followers
  • Following
Jordan Jensen on Unsplash

Grow up And Stop Ghosting

  
Lauren Kay
Oct. 27, 2017
Follow
Share tweet pinterest reddit email

Urban Dictionary (you know, the most up-to-date resource for slang) defines ghosting thusly:

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.

Ghosting has become such a common activity that Merriam-Webster picked it up last year as an informal application of “ghost.”

In a 2014 YouGov/Huffington Post survey of 1,000 U.S. adults, 13 percent reported that they had been ghosted by someone before, and 11 percent claimed they’d ghosted someone else. An Elle poll of 120 women and 65 men found that about a quarter of women had been ghosted, another quarter had ghosted, and another quarter had both ghosted and been ghosted. A smaller 14 percent of men said they’d been ghosted, another 17 percent had ghosted, and a full third had both ghosted and been ghosted.

That was 2014, though. The latest survey on ghosting by dating website Plenty of Fish found 78 percent of millennial daters between the ages of 18-33 reported to have been ghosted by someone else.

Ghosting is one of many ways that the digital age has decreased our quality of communication and potentially connection and honest interaction as well. GQ’s Benjy Hansen-Bundy respondsto this common complaint perfectly: “As long as we live in a time when mate-finding has been conveniently reduced to an algorithm-backed, user-friendly interface, people are going to be out there separating the wheat from the chaff with Terminator-like efficiency — and ghosting is going to be a reality.” Dating’s become mechanized. You scroll through potential mates with the same interest and efficiency as you do when you’re shopping for shoes online. It’s true — it’s not going to stop, and it’s probably going to get worse. Well, I say fuck that.

As Maya Borgueta, Psy.D, puts it, “at its core, ghosting is avoidance and often stems from fear of conflict.” The problem? It often increases conflict. If you’re an empathetic person, you feel guilty. Even if you’re not all that concerned about someone else’s feelings, you may have to worry about bumping into that person in the future, and having to face the fact that you are the ghost behind the machine. It’s a lot harder to ghost someone in real life than it is behind the protection of a screen in an alternate digital reality where you are no longer held responsible for treating other people with common courtesy.

As a 24-year-old dater, I’m sick of it, but I’ve also been part of the problem. I’ve been ghosted and I have ghosted other people. I did it because it had been done to me. Until a guy sent me a paragraph-long message calling me out on OKCupid. We’d been talking off and on, and I legitimately enjoyed our conversations. I was busy, though, so I got off of the website for a while. The guy messaged me asking why I had done it and requested, on the behalf of future men in my life, that I don’t do it again.

My heart dropped. I’d become so used to moving in and out of conversations, in and out of semi-relationships and flirtations, that I didn’t expect a genuinely human response. I didn’t expect someone to tell me I’d offended them. His request was simple: If you’re not interested, or even if you’re just busy, tell me.

If you’ve been ghosted before — and you’re not numbed to the experience yet — you know how painful it can be to be dumped with no explanation. If you ask why, you’re not playing it cool anymore. If you tell someone why you’re ending it, you’re not playing it cool anymore, either. Ghosting is a matter of avoidance, but it’s also a symptom of a shitty, cynical and jaded generation: We don’t care about being genuine anymore because no one else does. It’s a vicious cycle, and if you participate in it by ghosting, you’re making your life and everyone else’s life harder. What’s scarier is that you’re buying into a computerized way of dating by acting more computerized yourself.

You could accept that ghosting is a reality of dating these days, or you could grow up, be an adult, and have adult conversations with other adults. I’m going to make it really easy for you, millennial-style. Here’s a template:

“Hey ____, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m sensing we don’t make a good fit. I hope you’ll understand.”

Boom. You’re done. When you rip off the Band-Aid, you get rewarded with a flood of pure relief. And it only gets easier with practice. Welcome to adult dating.

 

  
Lauren Kay
Oct. 27, 2017

Comments

Comment has been published successfully..!!
From VOICEDMARKET
What’s this?

What is this?

Voiced Market offers exclusive deals on products and services from brands big and small. Customers can find their favorite items and get introduced to new ones, all at a fraction of the normal retail price. Voiced Market believes in giving brands of all sizes an equal opportunity, and also cares about giving back, devoting a percentage of its profits to help educate and feed those in need. Have a product or service you'd like to sell? Contact us at [email protected]

$150 Aspiration Bank Account Signup Bonus
View Deal
Free $5 Bonus From Investment App Stash
View Deal
Up To $300 Bonus On Student Loan Refinance With Credible
View Deal
Show more deals

Popular on VOICED

Here’s How I Knew I Was In A Loving, Committed Relationship


  
Jennifer Pacheco
May. 13, 2022 Read more

Reasons Why I Get A New Tattoo Whenever I'm Down On My Mental ...


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Feb. 11, 2022 Read more

How And Why Workplace Tattoos Are Finally Okay


  
Samantha Toner
Dec. 01, 2021 Read more

When I’m Down On My Mental Health, Here’s What I Do


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Nov. 24, 2021 Read more

9 Ways Long Distance Relationships Can Work & Be Great


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Oct. 26, 2021 Read more

5 Reasons Why Baking is My New Anger-Management Tool


  
Samantha Toner
Oct. 07, 2021 Read more

What No One Told Me About Adopting A Dog


  
Samantha Toner
Oct. 05, 2021 Read more

Why I Agree The '3-4 rule' And Not Chemistry Is The Key To Las...


  
holly chavez
Sep. 13, 2021 Read more

Here’s 7 Reasons Why I’m Having More Fun Staying In vs. Going ...


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Aug. 28, 2021 Read more

How Marijuana Use Is Destroying The Planet, And 6 Ways To Fix It


  
holly chavez
Aug. 18, 2021 Read more

Do We Really Need To Bathe So Much? Here's Why We Don’t


  
holly chavez
Aug. 17, 2021 Read more

8 Things That Always Make Me Happy And Will Probably Make You Too


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Jul. 13, 2021 Read more

Why I Think People Will Want To Work In Close Quarters Again


  
Jennifer Pacheco
May. 28, 2021 Read more

Why Online Dating Is The Worst It’s Ever Been


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Mar. 03, 2021 Read more

14 Ways Politicians Are Exactly Like Toddlers


  
lynsey free
Jan. 15, 2021 Read more

VOICED®

Every Voice Matters®

Menu
  • About
  • Sign Up
  •  
  • Code of Conduct
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy

Interact with us

Interact with us

© 2016-2023 Voiced Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.