VOICED®

Every Voice Matters®

Get VOICED
Log in
VOICED
EVERY VOICE MATTERS
  • Home
  • Topics
    • VOICED Policy
    • VOICED Mind & Body
    • VOICED Men
    • VOICED Women
    • VOICED Humor
    • VOICED Him & Her
    • VOICED News
    • VOICED College
    • VOICED Travel
    • VOICED Society
    • VOICED Money
    • VOICED Animals
    • VOICED Artificial intelligence
    • VOICED Arts
    • VOICED Auto
    • VOICED Blockchain
    • VOICED Books
    • VOICED Business
    • VOICED Cryptocurrency
    • VOICED Eats
    • VOICED Entertainment
    • VOICED Environment
    • VOICED Gaming
    • VOICED Marketing
    • VOICED Motivation
    • VOICED Philosophy
    • VOICED Psychology
    • VOICED Real estate
    • VOICED Religion
    • VOICED Science
    • VOICED Spirituality
    • VOICED Sports
    • VOICED Style
    • VOICED Technology
    • VOICED Work
    • VOICED World
  • Topics
    • VOICED Policy
    • VOICED Mind & Body
    • VOICED Men
    • VOICED Women
    • VOICED Humor
    • VOICED Him & Her
    • VOICED News
    • VOICED College
    • VOICED Travel
    • VOICED Society
    • VOICED Money
    • VOICED Animals
    • VOICED Artificial intelligence
    • VOICED Arts
    • VOICED Auto
    • VOICED Blockchain
    • VOICED Books
    • VOICED Business
    • VOICED Cryptocurrency
    • VOICED Eats
    • VOICED Entertainment
    • VOICED Environment
    • VOICED Gaming
    • VOICED Marketing
    • VOICED Motivation
    • VOICED Philosophy
    • VOICED Psychology
    • VOICED Real estate
    • VOICED Religion
    • VOICED Science
    • VOICED Spirituality
    • VOICED Sports
    • VOICED Style
    • VOICED Technology
    • VOICED Work
    • VOICED World
  •  
Get VOICED

Liked By

Check your inbox.

Click the link we sent to [email protected] to complete your account set-up.

VOICED®

Create an account to join the conversion.

You'll be able to publish your own stories, follow your favorite people, create a better news feed experience and comment on content you love.

Continue with Google Continue with Facebook Sign up with Email
Already have an account? Log In
Terms of Service

Sign up with email

Enter your email address to create an account

All sign up options

Log in

You know what to do.
Forgot password?
OR
Log in with Google Log in with Facebook
No account? Sign up.
Terms of Service
  • Followers
  • Following
Pexels/freestocks.org

How Prescription Pills Saved (And Damaged) My Life

  
Lauren Kay
Mar. 07, 2017
Follow
Share tweet pinterest reddit email

In college, I had a mental breakdown and a psychiatrist saved my life. She prescribed me an antidepressant (Prozac), mood stabilizer (Lamictal), and sedative (Ativan). Off and on, I took sleeping pills (Ambien) and an anti-psychotic prescribed off-label for depression (Abilify). It was a relief to be given a diagnosis of bipolar II disorder, and I rewrote my rocky history in medical terms. The loneliness in the company of loved ones and strangers alike, the lack of color or sound unless it was painful, the inability to sleep or get out of bed or feel connected or feel anything, the desire to slit huge, gaping lines down my wrists … This was depression which could be treated. The intense fear of everything, the inability to act even if it was something I wanted to do, this was anxiety and it could be treated.

My doctor and I didn’t talk about the string of weeks that I’d spent in front of the computer in high school, typing until my wrists hurt and pain ran down to my elbows, pumping out a novel-length manuscript as a manic episode which would end as a side effect of treatment. We didn’t talk about the flight of ideas, the bliss and bursts of creative energy for days or weeks at a time as hypomania which would end as a side effect of treatment. What mattered, then, was saving my life.

For years, I was a mental health advocate and prescription pill junkie. Then I decided to get off of medication. I wanted to do it because I couldn’t stop thinking about how life on medication felt inauthentic, as if I were a different version of myself while the true me was tied down somewhere in a back room. I understood that I had chemical imbalances that medication kept in check, but on a more spiritual and personal level, I had to find out what life was like without pills.

When I got off of medication, unsurprisingly, I was launched into a hypomanic state. Hypomania is like mania-lite. Here’s how I described it in my journal as it was happening:

I am so happy I feel like I’m dancing in bliss with an intensified vividity of sensual experience, energy, and creative flow. Imagine, how happy a feeling like that is, the feeling that you could spend your entire life doing what you love, what makes you happiest. It is the highest ecstasy I’ve ever been lucky enough to experience. I want this feeling and I welcome this feeling. I don’t think I want to ever give up this feeling again.

I don’t know how many hours, days or even months of hypomania I lost to the medication that kept me from descending into depression and suicidality. Looking back, I know the pills saved my life, but I’m concerned about how much they took away from me and how much they could be taking away from other people.

In truth, I became addicted to Ativan and at my worst took eight times the dose that would cause most people to pass out cold. I was lucky not to be one of over 9,000 people who died of a benzo overdose in 2015.

Way back in 1976, Dr. David Knott warned against benzodiazepines like Ativan, saying, “I have seen damage to the cerebral cortex that I believe is due to the use of these drugs, and I am beginning to wonder if the damage is permanent.” I can speak from personal experience: My memory is total shit.

Antidepressants save lives, but Prozac dulled the life it saved and prevented me from experiencing more vibrant, meaningful and transformative mind states. In clinical terms, it kept me stable. In basic English, it made me really boring. As my sister put it, she didn’t recognize me anymore, and she was scared. For many others, specifically teens and young adults, antidepressants can double suicidality. We have proof of this, yet we shovel them out like candy.

The list of side effects and harms goes on, and the issues with corruption in prescription drug companies are too horrifying and undeniable for one article.

Someday, I figure my depression will come back, and I’ll have to decide how to deal with it: to get back on pills, return to therapy, or do something else. I know that by being off of medication, I’m taking that risk. Until that time comes, though, I’m going to enjoy living the life I’d lost for years. I’m going to dive into deeper experiences of bliss, excitement, anxiety and sadness alike. I want the full spectrum of human experience. I didn’t have this on medication.

This isn’t a purely anti-prescription drugs article. I believe prescription drugs may have saved my life. This is, though, a warning from someone who lost a lot from taking them. Be careful. Do your research. And don’t feel like they’re a life sentence if you’re questioning your decision to take them.

The place people like me need to be is where mental illness doesn’t win yet medication doesn’t kill more than the depression. Psychiatry isn’t there yet, hasn’t quite found how to do this, at least not for everyone. But I want to keep discovering myself, and I’m going to try to find that balance the best I can.

  
Lauren Kay
Mar. 07, 2017

Comments

Comment has been published successfully..!!
From VOICEDMARKET
What’s this?

What is this?

Voiced Market offers exclusive deals on products and services from brands big and small. Customers can find their favorite items and get introduced to new ones, all at a fraction of the normal retail price. Voiced Market believes in giving brands of all sizes an equal opportunity, and also cares about giving back, devoting a percentage of its profits to help educate and feed those in need. Have a product or service you'd like to sell? Contact us at [email protected]

$150 Aspiration Bank Account Signup Bonus
View Deal
Free $5 Bonus From Investment App Stash
View Deal
Up To $300 Bonus On Student Loan Refinance With Credible
View Deal
Show more deals

Popular on VOICED

Here’s How I Knew I Was In A Loving, Committed Relationship


  
Jennifer Pacheco
May. 13, 2022 Read more

Reasons Why I Get A New Tattoo Whenever I'm Down On My Mental ...


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Feb. 11, 2022 Read more

How And Why Workplace Tattoos Are Finally Okay


  
Samantha Toner
Dec. 01, 2021 Read more

When I’m Down On My Mental Health, Here’s What I Do


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Nov. 24, 2021 Read more

9 Ways Long Distance Relationships Can Work & Be Great


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Oct. 26, 2021 Read more

5 Reasons Why Baking is My New Anger-Management Tool


  
Samantha Toner
Oct. 07, 2021 Read more

What No One Told Me About Adopting A Dog


  
Samantha Toner
Oct. 05, 2021 Read more

Why I Agree The '3-4 rule' And Not Chemistry Is The Key To Las...


  
holly chavez
Sep. 13, 2021 Read more

Here’s 7 Reasons Why I’m Having More Fun Staying In vs. Going ...


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Aug. 28, 2021 Read more

How Marijuana Use Is Destroying The Planet, And 6 Ways To Fix It


  
holly chavez
Aug. 18, 2021 Read more

Do We Really Need To Bathe So Much? Here's Why We Don’t


  
holly chavez
Aug. 17, 2021 Read more

8 Things That Always Make Me Happy And Will Probably Make You Too


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Jul. 13, 2021 Read more

Why I Think People Will Want To Work In Close Quarters Again


  
Jennifer Pacheco
May. 28, 2021 Read more

Why Online Dating Is The Worst It’s Ever Been


  
Jennifer Pacheco
Mar. 03, 2021 Read more

14 Ways Politicians Are Exactly Like Toddlers


  
lynsey free
Jan. 15, 2021 Read more

VOICED®

Every Voice Matters®

Menu
  • About
  • Sign Up
  •  
  • Code of Conduct
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy

Interact with us

Interact with us

© 2016-2023 Voiced Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.